Where do we draw the line between enough and too much.
We are gluttons. Always wanting more than we have.
We don't know when to stop.
We think in order to be ENOUGH we have to have something special to offer.
As a first time mom, I am constantly comparing myself to other moms and trying to add more to my plate. That's right..... MORE. When did being a mom and wife become NOT enough? I mean, that's a full time job. I made a human being for crying out loud...
I find myself constantly trying to find things to occupy my time... like taking care of an almost 1yr old isn't enough. I feel the need to be plugged into the "outside" world. Every time I convince myself I don't need anything else on my plate, I find myself back at it the next week. Always trying to find a WFH job, or a project.
I'll be honest.... if the house is clean by the time my husband gets home I consider it a personal victory.
Why on earth can I not get it through my thick skull that I AM ENOUGH. I don't need to be a craft junkie. I don't need to be a workout addict. I don't need to be a clean freak or a master chef.
Why is it that we have to have everything together in order to feel like we're enough?
All I ever wanted was to be a mom and to be a wife and now I am. I have everything I ever wanted. So why do I feel so bored?
Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever feel "whole." I know Jesus put me here for something, I feel like I just struggle at finding out what that thing is...
And then.........
And then...I look at my beautiful baby boy. I look at my husband who for some strange reason unbeknownst to me LOVES me. Talk about an eye opener. It's so hard for me to imagine someone feeling about me the way that I feel about my husband. It's so hard for me to comprehend this unconditional love between my son and me. Oh man oh man. I know that this is why I'm here.
My job is to be a support system. An encouragement. A teacher and a helper.
One of my high school english teachers used to write MTB on some of our essays. If someone wrote an essay and it had NOTHING to do with the question, she would write MTB on the top. MTB stands for "missed the boat."
I don't want to MTB. I don't want to be a glutton for attention, seeking the approval of every other mom on earth. I want to live a simple life and be completely satisfied. I want to do what Jesus has called me to do. I want to be a faithful Christian even though I make mistakes. I want to be a wonderful wife, even though I know I miss the mark. I want to be a mom who raises her children to love the Lord, even though sometimes I MTB.
This is the story of Hagar... YES! Hagar. I know a lot of people don't know who Hagar is... Most people know this story as Sarah and Abraham's story when they were called Sarai and Abram. Unexpectedly I learned a lot about this story from Hagar's perspective.
"The angel said to her, 'Hagar, Sarai’s servant, where have you come from, and where are you going?' 'I’m running away from my mistress, Sarai,' she replied." Genesis 16:8 This verse spoke to me in a moment when I think I needed it the most. At first I wasn't sure why it stood out to me, it just caught my eye. The ore I began to read it, the more it spoke to my heart.
I encourage you to read the entire story. Here's what God spoke to me and I hope it blesses you the way it blessed me.
God cares about what's on our mind. He cares about what's on our hearts. Sometimes we're so scared and we want to brush things under the rug, we want to run away from them and never look them in the eye again. God already knows the depth of our hearts, he already knows the hurts, the fears, and the gunk in our heart. Yet he wants to listen. He wants to be the shoulder you lean on. He says "where have you come from" he cares about our past and what we've gone through. He wants to know where you're going. Don't be mislead, he already knows where you're going, but he wants to hear it from you. He wants you to own it. I can only imagine him saying this like a concerned parent or spouse. When someone is hurt and runs away, you want to run after then and say "WAIT!! Where are you going? I care!! Let me listen." Instead of bottling it all up and running from it when it becomes too much to handle, we should just pour our hearts out to Him. 1Peter 5:7 says "Cast your anxiety on him BECAUSE HE CARES"* Hagar was hurt by the person who was supposed to care for her. The person she probably looked up to and learned from. Sarai put her in a bad, ugly, awkward position that Hagar didn't want to be in. She just wanted to run from that hurt, but God wanted her to know how much he cared!
Know that HE cares. Even if you feel like NO ONE cares, know that GOD cares!!!
There's so much I wish I would have known BEFORE I had my son. I knew pretty much everything a first time mom could know about the birthing experience. I knew the ins and outs of everything except for what it would actually feel like. But soon after having my son I found my self repeatedly asking "Is this normal?" "Will this go away" " How long will this last?" "Am I supposed to feel this way?"
These are some things I wish I could have been prepared for. 1) Weakness. I had a very long, stressful, and intense birth experience. At the end of my 41 hour labor I couldn't even lift my son out of the bassinet on my own without getting out of the bed. As every mom does, I wrestled with sleep. I wanted to stay awake to watch my sweet new baby's every movement, every breath, and every sigh. Even when the doctors told me to sleep when he slept, I found myself watching him sleep. Let's be honest... the one thing EVERY new mommy needs is rest to regain her strength.
2) Cramps. Now, I knew that I would be experiencing some cramping as my uterus shrank, but I was not expecting what I actually went through. When we finally left the hospital 4 days later we were rushed out the to Detroit Children's Hospital where my son was admitted into the NICU to be tested and observed for a rare metabolic condition they thought he had. When we arrived we were told we couldn't stay the night with him. I was set on exclusively breastfeeding my son, so I fed him before we left and tried to pump some milk for him through the night. What I felt next was the most intense pain I'd ever felt in my life!!! Definitely more painful than having my son. I collapsed in the middle of the hallway and couldn't move because of the pain. My uterus tried to contract all at once... Later I found out it was rare, but still on the NORMAL spectrum.
3) Jelly for a belly. I knew my belly wouldn't be round and firm like it was as a home for my sweet baby boy. I also knew that it wouldn't be my nice toned and flat tummy from before I got pregnant. What I didn't expect was my belly to feel like a water bed... I also didn't expect my belly to still be that way 5 months later... which it is. Come to find out, not EVERYONE'S belly bounces back right away. I try and hide my belly, disguise my belly, and make myself look thin again, but it just doesn't work. I wish I could say that I'm as confidant now as I was before I had my son, but I'm not. You won't see me sporting a bikini this summer. I wish I could say that I would. I've read so many articles about finding your postpartum body beautiful, but I guess it just hasn't sunk in yet. Sometimes all I want to do is cry because nothing fits. I live in my maternity jeans, yoga pants, and flowing shirts. I'd give (almost) anything to wear a pair of pants with buttons again.
Here's the thing though.... I'd GLADLY do it all again. I would take the sore nipples, the crazy postpartum bleeding, the showerless days, all to experience the joy that my son brings me. I would even take the weakness, the breastfeeding cramps, and the jelly belly! The Lord repeatedly says in his word that children are a blessing. I've never known the fullness of that truth until now. My sons giggle, his smile, even his cry make me so pleased to be his mommy. As scared as I am of not losing that "baby weight" I would never trade my son for my pre-pregnancy body. The bible says "charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting." Real beauty comes from within. I'm slowly learning that now. Real beauty comes from loving the Lord; it comes from the satisfaction of being a wife your husband is proud of; and it also comes from the wonderful joy of being a mom. I don't think there is anyway to prepare yourself for how much you love your child. So my final point is this.
4) LOVE. NOTHING on earth could prepare me for this. Now I know why God compares himself to a father. The love I have for my son surpasses my love for everyone and anyone beside my husband and the Lord. I can't imagine life without him. He is a part of my heart. I cry when he cries. I smile when he smiles. I laugh when he laughs. Now try and imagine how much MORE God loves you.
When you're feeling run down, Jesus loves you. When you're feeling frumpy, Jesus loves you. When you're feeling overwhelmed, Jesus loves you. When you're weak, HE is strong. When you're suffering, HE will heal. When you feel unloveable, he loves you!
Before I get started on the many amazing reasons why my husband is my best friend, I want you to know that Jesus is my "best friend" first. So often I see women making their husbands and boyfriends their center of worship instead of keeping God their center. Make no mistake, the order of my priorities is Christian, wife, mother. In that order.
Why my husband is my best friend:
1)He loves Jesus. Long before my husband and I even started dating I set some standards. I made a list of the things I wanted and needed in my future husband and #1 was that he had to love Jesus. Ryan LOVES Jesus more than he loves me and that's what I need. I need someone who's not going to change their entire system of beliefs so they don't make me mad. A lot of girls I met in high school and girls I've met from working various jobs have been girls that would abandon everything they held close to them just to have a friend. Finding a husband who loves Jesus means they've already abandoned everything so they can have that friend. They've left or are leaving the things in this world that keep them from Jesus because Jesus is worth everything.
2)Girls are mean. Let's face it, in middle school, high school, and even beyond; most girls are mean. In middle school and high school I only had one "girl" friend. We're still very close, but we both learned that guys are a lot more laid back and don't care as much about the same things as girls. Don't get me wrong, when I was in middle school, and even sometimes now, I would LOVE to have a close "girl" friend who I can share my "girl" problems with. Someone who would understand why I think and feel the way I do. But having my husband is so much better. Not only does he TRY to understand why it is that I think and feel the way I do, he balances me out. He's not a "mean girl." He doesn't care if I wear makeup, he doesn't care if I wear "garage sale clothes." He looks at my heart above all else. He cares about me as a person and not my social status.
3)He encourages me. Sometimes I need an extra dose of encouragement. Ryan is supportive of me and encourages me to do what it is I feel like God has called me to do. When I was pregnant with my son a lot of people thought that I was crazy for wanting the type of birth I did. Even though my husband didn't understand it, he stood by me and encouraged me. When I found a great opportunity to work from home, he encouraged me when I was scared to take the leap.
4) I can trust him. There are a lot of people in this world that you can't trust. It'd be nice to trust them all, but you just can't do that. I have found a few people that I can trust and at the top of that list is my husband. He leads our family and prays about everything. He follows Jesus and I can trust that whatever decision he makes, he's prayed about and truly feels that's what we're supposed to do. Loose lips sink ships. He keeps my "secrets" and I don't have to worry about him running off and tellings all of his friends about what I said or how I feel.
5) He keeps me accountable. This may sound weird... but he keeps me in line. Most people wouldn't want this characteristic in a husband... but I do. I'm pretty forgetful and now that I'm a mom my attention is pulled in even more directions. He reminds me that I need to have my quiet time with Jesus. He reminds me to go work out. When I'm acting sour... he calls me out. He helps me grow as a Christian and that's something I'll always be grateful for.
6) I can be myself around him. Ryan has seen me at my highest high, and my lowest low. I don't have to worry about putting on a show to impress him. I don't have to worry about maintaining a certain image. When i just want to scream, he doesn't judge me. When our son was in the NICU it was the first time I felt like I could just let go and cry. It was just the three of us. No mom, no dad, no sisters, no brother. I didn't have to be strong for anyone. It was okay for me lose it and he made sure I knew that. I don't have to worry about
7) He directs me to Jesus. Most of my friends in high school weren't saved and quite frankly they weren't the "best" kids to be around. They didn't understand the new life that I had chosen to live. They would invite me to parties, they would cuss around me, and they would talk about a lot of things I didn't want to hear about. They quickly went from close friends to associations. During all of this there were a lot of times where they'd make me so mad and Ryan would just tell me "Love them, Jesus wants you to love them." When I had to make the decision of where to go to college or even if to go to college, Ryan wanted me to make sure I was praying about it. When I wanted to do the internship at Road to Life Church, he encouraged me to pray about it. He's never tried to push me in a direction other than prayer and Jesus. To me this is the best point to end with.
While there are infinite reasons that I'm grateful for my husband, I'll leave it at seven. Seven is the number of completion. There will be plenty of posts about why I love my husband, why he's my best friend, and why he's a great father. They say the grass is always greener on the other side. I say, they grass is always greener where you water it, feed it, and passionately take care of it.
We've all been hearing a lot about the events occurring in Nigeria. For those of you who don't know, over 200 girls were kidnapped from a school in Nigeria. The terrorists who kidnapped them do not believe in western education and believe that women should basically be servants to their husbands. The hurt that these families and friends are experiencing is something I can't possibly imagine. Seeing the reaction of the world has been so encouraging. It's given many of us faith in humanity again. What breaks my heart though is that it took the kidnapping of 200 nigerian girls for us to realize that we can't sit back idly and do nothing.
There have been so many things over the years that we just let slide by. "Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothings going to get better. It's not." This is one of my favorite quotes from Dr. Seuss. Many people don't bat an eye at this quote. Many people don't know even know what it's about. This quote packs so much power and it's so inspiring to me.
If we're not passionate about something it's never going to change. The freedom riders were passionate about seeking change, they put action behind it, and it changed. People are passionate about abortion, they're working on changing it. What makes me sad though is the lack of passion when it comes to things like premarital sex, the church, and orphans. Where is the passion for kids without dads, or babies who've been abandoned by their moms?
We've become so consumed with ourselves and entertainment that we've lost our compassion. For some strange reason it takes celebrities to draw our eyes to issues that matter. Jesus wants us to have compassion for ALL. Jesus wants us to love people, hate sin, and share the gospel. There is an urgency in his commands. Loving people isn't just a feeling, it's an action. We should be passionate about all of these unfortunate situations.
Recently a church in Chesterton, Indiana did 24 hours of worship and prayer to #BringBackOurGirls. This is amazing. I admire them for their passion. My husband and I know the pastors of this church personally and I can tell you they are passionate about ALL of the things that God is passionate about, not just these girls from Nigeria. They've also done projects to help people who've lost their homes in other states during tornadoes and hurricanes. They care so much that they're DOING something. Let's take a step from their playbook. Let's be so passionate about the things Jesus is passionate about. They're not just sitting around, they're doing something. They're changing lives.
Another pastor friend of ours left ministry to help kids in the foster care system. There is a family in our area who adopts special needs children. These people care, these people are passionate. They don't need someone to tell them to care, they just do. It's in their DNA.
Let's #BringBackOurGirls, but let's also find homes and families for children. Let's get support for single moms and dads, let's stop bullying. There are so many things that we can accomplish if we just find what we're passionate about and if we just make ourselves aware.
I LOVE Pinterest. It's not just a hobby, it'd go as far to say that it's a boarder line obsession. One of the many things we got to Pinterest for are recipes. A lot of recipes that I've found I would LOVE, but my darling husband on the other hand.... not so much. It would be like pulling teeth to get him to eat some of my favorite foods. One dish we BOTH love though is this little number. It's super easy to make and my very bland eating husband loves it.
Ingredients: 1box of stovetop stuffing (I use chicken or savory herb) 1 can of cream of mushroom soup 2 chicken breasts Swiss cheese (enough to cover your chicken breasts) 1/3 cup of milk
Originally I found this recipe as a crock pot recipe on Pinterest, but when I made it in my crockpot it burned. My crop pot heats up a lot more than a regular one for some reason. I'll include directions for both oven AND crockpot. :)
FIRST: Preheat your oven to 350 degrees. Thaw your chicken breasts, sprinkle them with salt and pepper, and put them in a casserole dish with plenty of space in between. While your chicken is thawing prepare the stove top stuffing as directed.
SECOND: Spoon out the prepared stuffing between your chicken breasts. Cover the chicken with swiss cheese.
T: Mix soup and milk. Pour your condensed cream of mushroom soup over the entire dish. Put in the oven and bake for 30 min :) Enjoy.
So recently I became a stay at home mom and I love it more than words can say. As much as I love being a SAHM, I have NO idea what I'm doing. That's right, no idea! I wish they made a book, or a manual, or something. A huge lifesaver has been Pinterest, but recently someone pointed out Proverbs 31. I think often we look at Proverbs 31 and we think of the perfect wife... After all we refer to this woman as the Proverbs 31 wife. Instead of looking at her as a wife, we should also look at her as a mother.
I like "The Message" version of Proverbs 31.
She’s up before dawn, preparing breakfast for her family and organizing her day. She looks over a field and buys it, then, with money she’s put aside, plants a garden. First thing in the morning, she dresses for work, rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started. She senses the worth of her work, is in no hurry to call it quits for the day. She’s skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, diligent in homemaking. She’s quick to assist anyone in need, reaches out to help the poor. She doesn’t worry about her family when it snows; their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear. She makes her own clothing, and dresses in colorful linens and silks. Her husband is greatly respected when he deliberates with the city fathers. She designs gowns and sells them, brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops. Her clothes are well-made and elegant, and she always faces tomorrow with a smile. When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say, and she always says it kindly. She keeps an eye on everyone in her household, and keeps them all busy and productive. Her children respect and bless her; her husband joins in with words of praise: “Many women have done wonderful things, but you’ve outclassed them all!” Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of- GOD. Give her everything she deserves! Festoon her life with praises! (Proverbs 31:15-31 MSG)
Some things I learned from this scripture.
1) a SAHM should be resourceful. She finds a way to earn money while taking care of her family at home. I recently found a way to make some money to help us be able to do the "fun things" and make memories.
2) a SAHM should be diligent. This is probably the hard one for me. It says a Prov 31 woman gets up early, prepares breakfast, and gets busy cleaning and homemaking. I don't like getting up early and I don't like cleaning. This is where I need the most work. ;)
3) a SAHM should be hospitable. This portion of scripture says that she's kind to everyone and her husband is proud to be married to her.
These three things are not attainable on our own. We need Jesus to be the best SAHM we can be. "Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of- GOD."
When we have the Holy Spirit receive spiritual gifts. These gifts help us to be the best we can be and step into the calling God has for us. We can uses these gifts to be hospitable and resourceful.
Through following Jesus we become disciplined. Disciple, after all, means disciplined learner. :)
Let's take a lesson from the Proverbs 31 WOMAN! Let's get resourceful, let's try and be disciplined, and let's be hospitable. :)
Something that I believe every marriage should have is a date night. Just because you're married doesn't mean you should stop dating your spouse. Too often people stop pursing their spouse after marriage. The man that won your heart because someone you don't know. The man you knew was kind and thoughtful. Reminding you constantly that you held his affection. Only to be replaced with someone who is too busy for "I love you" and too tired for "How was your day?" As women, we tend to "let our selves go" after marriage and especially after having a baby. It's easier and much more comfy to wear pajamas or sweats all day. It's simpler to not have to take up the forever long task of putting on our faces or fixing our hair. Gaining a few pounds bothers us a whole lot less because we've already got him. We forget how well we took care of ourselves and how we dressed to impress our now husbands.
Remember when you were just dating? You'd spend hours trying to look just right before your big date. You wanted to capture the eye of that certain guy. You wanted to make it a night to remember and you wanted to look and feel your best. Your date would make sure not to fart, burp, or do anything else disgusting because he didn't want to "scare you off." Soon you become two people who happen to live together, share a life, children, friends, and family. However, what you've missed out on is a great marriage. We get so busy that sometimes we hardly talk and have a connection during the rest of the week. A marriage without communication is sure to fail.
There's more to dating than just going out to dinner or a movie though. remember that first spark where you knew your guy was "the one?" Why should that spark have to end there? Why shouldn't we have that same spark with our spouse all of the time? Your spouse loves you and loves when you set aside time for them just as much as you do. Let's have fun! Let's date our mate. Falling in love was fun, but being able to fall in love every day, or every week; that's the most fun!
Dating your mate is so fun. Setting a side a night of the week to just focus on each other. A night to remember why it is we fell in love in the first place. I feel so loved and so important when I know I have Ryan's FULL attention. Pick a night this week and dress a little nicer than usual. Get your hair out of a pony tale and make it look nice. Make it a night for your husband to remember :) You'll be so happy you did!
Well, today is Thoughtful Thursday and I want to share the story behind the name with you. The truth is, a gracious interruption is what God's doing in my life. There's a message by a pastor named Judah Smith called A Gracious Interruption. This message spoke to me on so many levels.
What makes this message so special you ask? So often we think that we're here because of what we can do. Judah Smith tells the story of Peter on the Mount of Transfiguration. He mentions that when Peter is on the mount, he thinks that he's there because of what he can do. Then God interrupts Peter while he's speaking. The truth is, we're not here because of what we can do, we're here because of who God is and what He can do.
Recently God led my husband and me to attend a different church. There were some things that my husband needed to work through and we both felt like the Lord was challenging us to "get uncomfortable." The church we were formally going to we had both worked at, and it was the only church I had ever attended. I attended that church for 17 years and was starting to grow too comfortable. Life became about a routine and what "I" could do rather than what God could do.
At our new home church we've felt over and over again the peace and confirmation from the Lord that it's the church we're supposed to be at. It's been a super hard transition, but through this "gracious interruption" God has been teaching me so many things. Here's what God's taught me through this:
1) It's not about me. It's not about my likes, it's not about my desires. It's not about what I think is cool, excellent, or amazing. What I like isn't the only thing that God likes. What I think is excellent isn't the only excellent thing to God. It isn't my way. It's HIS way.
2) Lack of healing doesn't mean lack of faith. There were times in my walk with the Lord where I thought if I wasn't healed, or if someone else wasn't healed, then it must be because they didn't have strong enough faith. This isn't true. This is a lie from the enemy. God meets us where we're at, and sometimes where we're at requires more than just faith. The bible says faith without works is dead. Some people take that to mean if you don't act on faith, your faith is dead. However, God has shown me that miracles happen when faith and action are present together. When he healed the blind man, there was faith AND action. When he healed the woman with the issue of blood, there was faith AND action.
3) Sometimes it's about sacrifice. Recently I became a stay at home mom. Prior to being a stay at home mom, I was a worship leader. I felt that worship had to be done a certain way (it's not my way...see point 1.) God is working on this in me, and one of the ways he's doing that is challenging me in worship. At our new church I don't really know any of the songs and they have a very different sound than at our old church. This does not mean it's not excellent. There is no excuse for me to not worship because I don't know the song, or I don't like how it sounds. This is sacrificial worship. Also, when we give in our sacrifice it means more than when we give in our abundance. Like the poor widow, she gave everything of all she had. This applies to tithing and worship. I think it means more to God sometimes when we worship to a song that may not be our favorite. It's easy to sing a song you love, it's hard to sing a song (with the same meaning) that you might not like very much.
I hope you now have a little bit more insight to the gracious interruption in my own life. I'd love to hear how God has graciously interrupted your life. :)
A huge passion of my heart is to encourage women. Every wednesday I'll be posting an encouraging message for you ladies. Any age, anywhere. So often we forget who we really are. We spend so much time caring out what everyone else thinks about us and we forget about what our savior thinks about us, and who we really are.
If you've ever seen the movie The Help, you'll know that one of the most popular lines from the movie is "You is kind, you is smart, you is important." I love this line because you see a servant telling a little girl exactly what every little girl needs to hear.
We shouldn't have to change who we are to accommodate someone else's vision for our lives. God created us with a specific purpose and an amazing plan for our lives. We shouldn't settle for less. Even when we don't think we are kind, even when we don't think that we're smart and ESPECIALLY when we don't think we're important. We have patients with our families, our children, and our co-workers; how could we not be nice? We learn so much throughout our lives; how could we not be smart? The savior came and died on a cross for YOU; so how could you not be important.
I have a wonderful husband and an adorable baby boy. I'm passionate about pregnancy and babies. I love praise and worship and before becoming a stay at home mom, I was a worship leader at our old church. My goal is to be the best christian, wife, and mother I can be; in that order. Check out my "About" section to read more :)